President Trump has vowed NOT to open a Vegas style hotel in Greenland if the U.S. purchases the island nation… but the Prime Minister of Denmark - which owns Greenland - says it’s not for sale.

- This is what’s known politically as the “NOT Green New Deal”.


The Environmental Protection Agency is encouraging us to set our thermostats at 82 degrees before we go to bed at night to conserve energy.

- Here’s an idea… How about they go first??


The hot rumor in showbiz is that Taylor Swift is on the verge of moving in with her British boyfriend.

- No word yet on whether they’ll break up before or after the moving truck shows up.


Larry King has filed for divorce from his 7th wife Shawn after more than 20 years of marriage.

- Well, you know what they say… “8th Time’s the Charm”.

Insiders say Shawn was “blindsided” by the divorce.

- She’s 59 and he’s 85. She may have been blindsided, but Larry’s got the Cataracts. And HE’S the one who can’t drive at night.


Tommy The Tortoise, the world’s oldest living pet, turned 121 at his home in Great Britain Tuesday.

- Tommy is actually a “She” but the owner didn’t know until she started laying eggs and went in for a Turtle Wax at the beginning of the bikini season.


A Florida man was arrested for performing a “Botched Castration” surgery on a man he met on the Internet.

- He also performed a Vasectomy on the guy. Apparently it was a Package deal.

- Remember the good old days when the only thing you could lose on the Internet was your life savings to that guy who emailed you from Nigeria??


Have a great day and I’ll see back here Thursday!