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The mysterious death/suicide(?) of accused young-girl-molester Jeffrey Epstein over the weekend has both Repubs and Dems saying that he was actually murdered.

- Well it’s nice to see they can finally agree on SOMETHING.

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It’s being reported that Barry Manilow doesn’t enjoy performing on stage because it makes him extremely nervous.

- This from a woman named Lola. She was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.

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The President of Brazil says that we can solve many of the World’s environmental problems by Pooping less. His suggestion: Only go once every other day.

- Well there goes his endorsement from “Fiber One”. (That reminds me of a line by my late friend, comedian Dennis Wolfberg, who said “You can’t eat Fiber One and hold a job”)

- He’s running for a second term with the slogan “Make Constipation Great Again”.

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Russian officials are denying that the country suffered a nuclear accident after leaked footage surfaced of workers in hazmat suits cleaning up one of their reactors.

- True or not, Putin gave the clean-up effort Glowing reviews.

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Alec Baldwin tweeted “The Russians killed Epstein. They’re in charge of EVERYTHING now”.

- So look for Alec to beat up Vladimir Putin when he thinks someone stole his parking space again.

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Universal has decided they will NOT release their controversial movie “The Hunt” next month - because it’s the “wrong time” for the movie which features rich Liberals hunting down and killing “deplorable” Trump supporters.

- When exactly would be the “Right time” for this movie??

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

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