A growing number of Americans claim they are “Autosexual”… people who are sexually attracted to themselves.

- Oh sure. Dating yourself is all fun and games until you break up.


It’s Fat Tuesday!

- Wait… are we still allowed to say “Fat Tuesday”?? Isn’t that “Heavy Holiday Shaming”???


Stormy Daniels is embarking on a standup comedy tour about her relationship with President Trump.

- She’ll make history by becoming the worlds first “Lay Down Comedian”.


KFC is trying to raise money on the internet so they can fund important projects including a “hot tub shaped like a bucket of chicken”, and a live production of “Colonel on Ice.”

- Wasn’t there already a musical about KFC? I believe it was called “Grease”.


A nude drawing that bears a striking resemblance to the "Mona Lisa" has been found in Paris and experts believe it was sketched by Leonardo da Vinci himself.

- The whole thing got started when he met Mona in a bar and asked her to come back to his place to “look at his etchings”.


Hillary Clinton says she definitely will NOT run for Prez in 2020… but that she’s “not going away”.

- Repubs are calling it the “Good News, Bad News story of the day”.


72 year old Sylvester Stallone has announced a release date for the final edition of “Rambo”.

- In this go ‘round, Rambo battles cholesterol and high blood pressure.


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!