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A growing number of Americans claim they are “Autosexual”… people who are sexually attracted to themselves.

- Oh sure. Dating yourself is all fun and games until you break up.

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It’s Fat Tuesday!

- Wait… are we still allowed to say “Fat Tuesday”?? Isn’t that “Heavy Holiday Shaming”???

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Stormy Daniels is embarking on a standup comedy tour about her relationship with President Trump.

- She’ll make history by becoming the worlds first “Lay Down Comedian”.

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KFC is trying to raise money on the internet so they can fund important projects including a “hot tub shaped like a bucket of chicken”, and a live production of “Colonel on Ice.”

- Wasn’t there already a musical about KFC? I believe it was called “Grease”.

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A nude drawing that bears a striking resemblance to the "Mona Lisa" has been found in Paris and experts believe it was sketched by Leonardo da Vinci himself.

- The whole thing got started when he met Mona in a bar and asked her to come back to his place to “look at his etchings”.

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Hillary Clinton says she definitely will NOT run for Prez in 2020… but that she’s “not going away”.

- Repubs are calling it the “Good News, Bad News story of the day”.

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72 year old Sylvester Stallone has announced a release date for the final edition of “Rambo”.

- In this go ‘round, Rambo battles cholesterol and high blood pressure.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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