All 16 charges against Jussie Smollett have been dropped in exchange for TEN GRAND and 18 HOURS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE… even though the Mayor, Police and Prosecutors say “He lied”.

- In Chicago this is known as “Juss-tice”… otherwise known as “Bizarro World”.


The Pentagon has authorized $1 Billion for President Trump’s Border Wall.

- Add that to what Mexico has agreed to pay and it totals… 1 Billion dollars!


A bad day for AOC yesterday as the Senate UNANIMOUSLY voted down her “Green New Deal” 57-0 including some Democrats.

- Her opponents let out a collective sigh of relief… and Cows across America collectively passed gas.


Reynolds Wrap has unveiled a “Hunger Harness” to be worn during March Madness. It turns the wearer into a “Human Table” by strapping it to your chest to hold beer, pizza and wings.

- Sounds great… but won't it smear my “Go Blue! Go Green!” Chest Paint???


Want to make a fast 20 grand? NASA is hiring people to lie in bed for two months and watch TV to help them understand how space travel will affect astronauts.

- They originally offered the job to Millennials but they said they were too tired to get off their parents couches to go to work and lay down.


Madonna says she’s launching a full fledged comeback tour at the age of 60.

- And her song “Like a Virgin” is just as true now as it was when she first released it in 1984!!


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!