Las Vegas tourism increased 63% in the city's first weekend of selling recreational marijuana. 

- Instead of telling Black Jack dealers to "Hit Me"... people are now begging their dealer for "A Hit". 

- So now, "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" because nobody can remember anything that happened while they were there. 


North Korea successfully launched an ICBM that has a range capable of reaching Alaska. 

- Sarah Palin said the news was alarming, but added that if it ever happens, she'll be able to see the missile from her house!


Meanwhile President Trump trashed Kim Jong Un for the launch, Tweeting "Doesn't this guy have anything better to do with his life?"

- Well, he doesn't really have anybody to hang with since he killed everyone in his family and has whacked his "most trusted advisors". 


Chris Christie was criticized after lounging with his family on a NJ Beach that he had closed to the public due to a budget crisis. 

- The worst part for Christie was when a marine biologist mistook him for a beached whale and attempted to roll him back into the water. 


Trump is headed to Europe to meet with foreign leaders including Vladimir Putin. 

- CNN is calling the trip "National Lampoon's European Vacation starring Donald Trump as Clark Griswold". 


On his new album, rapper Jay-Z revealed that his mom is a lesbian. 

- What a great son... He calls, he writes, he Outs his Mom!


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!