ESPN is taking heat for photo shopping Tiger's rather unflattering DUI mugshot to make his balding, messy hair look better.

- Nick Nolte was like, "Hello? Where were you people when I was arrested???" 

*****

Monday night, Tiger apologized to his fans for his Memorial Day DUI arrest, blaming it on an "unexpected reaction" to pain meds NOT alcohol... which was just confirmed by police blood tests. 

- Tiger's current and former girlfriends have offered their support... all 3,457 of them. 

*****

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg told Harvard grads that the Government should provide everyone with a basic income so they have a safety net to "experiment in life". 

- Okay Mark, you go first. 

- Maybe Zuckerberg should "experiment" with creating a tree that actually grows money so that he could pay for that. 

*****

Japan announced they will join forces with the US to stop North Korea's nuke program, meanwhile Kim Jong Un promised a "Gift Package" for the United States. 

- I don't think KJU realizes that the gift would be returned... even if he doesn't include the receipt. 

*****

In a commencement address at Brown University, Robert DeNiro said that 'in movie terms' the US was once an 'an inspiring, uplifting drama' but now is nothing but a 'tragic dumbass comedy.'

- You know, it used to be like "Meet The Fockers" and now it's more like "Little Fockers".  

- Trump immediately Tweeted "YOU TALKIN' TO ME??? SAD!!!" 

*****

A robot called "Bot Dylan" was able to write music after analyzing 23,000 folk songs. 

- Which finally answers the question, "How many songs must a robot analyze... before he can write one of it's own?" 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick 

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