SPRING HAS SPRUNG!!! The Grass is Riz!!!!! I wonder wear my Speedo Is!!!!! (That'll be the day...) 

*****

The President of Uber quit saying that his vision for the company clashes with Uber's  practices. 

- He had to give back his company car... so I have no idea how the guy got home. 

*****

FBI Director James Comey is giving a televised press conference today to address allegations of Russian interference in the U.S. Election, and also Trump's claim that Obama wiretapped his phones. 

- I haven't been this excited about a TV Show since last week's episode of "Say Yes To The Dress!" 

*****

The Secret Service continues to look for a laptop that was stolen from one of their cars on Friday. 

- The computer allegedly contains Top Secret Intel like the agents NCAA Bracket. (Speaking of that... Michigan wins Round 2. MSU knocked out). 

*****

Meanwhile, The FBI has located Tom Brady's Super Bowl Jersey in a foreign country six weeks after it was stolen from his locker by someone "posing as an international journalist". 

- America's Top Ten Most Wanted Criminals are still roaming the streets, but I think we can all sleep better knowing Tom has his Jersey back. 

*****

A British study found that Global Warming may be shrinking the size of mammals. 

- Didn't we all learn on Seinfeld that it's Cold NOT Warmth that causes Shrinkage??? 

*****

Hungarian scientists have developed a 5-minute test to determine if someone is addicted to porn. 

- 5 minutes? That doesn't even give you enough time to figure out the plot.

*****

Google is altering its search criteria to better identify content that is factually incorrect or misleading. 

- The guy in charge of weeding out the "Fake News" is a Mr. Brian Williams of NBC. 

*****

According to a new study, Millennials are having less sex than their parents did at their age. 

- And their parents are now having less sex, because their Millennial kids are still living at home. 

*****

RIP Chuck Berry... The legendary Rock & Roll pioneer has died at the age of 90 after a career than spanned decades and gave us hits including "Maybelline", "Johnny B. Goode", "No Particular Place to Go" and "My Ding-a-Ling". (Chuck is probably up there Ringing the Ding-A-Ling Bell trying to get through the Heavenly Gates right now.)

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick