President Obama is taking heat for sipping champagne and dancing the Tango in Argentina instead of calls for him to return to the U.S. in the wake of the Brussels terrorist attacks. 

- It's not the first time he's danced around an important issue. 

- Apparently he plans to keep waltzing around Latin America. 

- He's gonna be out of work next January...maybe he's hoping for a shot on "Dancing With The Former Presidents". 


Some students at Emory University claim that they are "scared and in pain" after someone wrote "Trump 2016" in chalk around campus. The school's administration is providing counselors to help them deal with their trauma. 

- I'm sure the issue will be addressed during the Graduation speech by this year's Wimp-adictorian.

- I am "scared and in pain" thinking that these students are the future of our country. 


Jeb Bush officially endorsed Ted Cruz for President yesterday. 

- So Jeb! likes Ted!


Carnival Cruise Lines announced that, starting in May, they will begin making "cultural exchange" trips to Cuba. 

- It's prefect because Cubans are used to being stranded at sea with a broken engine and no working bathroom. 


A British study revealed that moderate alcohol consumption is not linked to a longer life. 

- But if you drink a lot, you may have a lot of fun, but you won't remember any of it. 


A Seattle man caused a police situation when he climbed an 80 foot sequoia tree and refused to come down for hours.

- To reference the previous story, the guy was obviously HIGH at the time. 

- Ironically, the guy in the tree was obviously out of his tree. 

- He usually just climbed the regular sized tree in his backyard, but decided to branch out. 


Film critics are calling the new Batman vs. Superman movie a complete waste of time. 

- They should have gone with Batgirl vs. Lois Lane... Cat fight! Cat fight! Cat fight! 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday!