The group "One Million Moms" is demanding that ABC cancel the new Muppet Show because of it's sexually explicit humor. 

- Sounds like the Muppets aren't the only ones with a stick up their butts. 

- Wait until they read the shocking new book by Miss Piggy about her relationship with Kermit. It's called "Fifty Shades of Green". 


The Pope will say mass in New York City today, and in anticipation of the crowds, 200 gallons of Sacramental Wine have been prepared. 

- And just in case any parishioners are "over served" the Pontiff has volunteered to give them a ride home in his UberPopeMobile.


A federal judge ruled that "Warner/Campbell" does not own the copyright to the song Happy Birthday. 

- He ruled it belongs to the person who has heard it the most, so let me be the first to congratulate Abe Vigoda! 


A study published in the journal Peer discovered that every person on earth emits - and can be identified by - their own unique "microbial cloud of bacteria". 

- Or as my late father would have called it, "Flatulence & Old Spice".


A survey by Jobvite found that 92% of recruiters use Social Media as part of their hiring process.  

- So parents, forget sending your kid to an expensive college... just make sure you get them a top-of-the-line Selfie-Stick. 


A red headed British man was busted for plotting to kill Prince Charles so Prince Harry would be closer to the throne. 

- If Harry's drunken party trips to Vegas are a clue, he already spends a lot of him time "close to the throne". 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here tomorrow