Hillary Clinton Stunned That World Still Thinks She's Going To Run For President Asking, "Didn't You Get My Email???"

Brangelina to adopt ISIS and "Put them in a serious Time Out".

Michelle Obama Lobbies Congress To Change Name Of Presidential Music To "Kale To The Chief". 

Bruce Jenner Has Olympic Gold Medals Melted Down; Made Into Earrings. 

Google Announces "Slow-Cooker Schnauzer Recipes" The #1 Search Term In North Korea.

Metro-Detroit Area Potholes To Be Turned Into Multi-Family Condos. 

Vladimir Putin Signs On For Next Season Of DWTS!


And in the REAL News...

Just 25 days after celebrating her 117th Birthday, "The World's Oldest Person", Japan's Misao Okawa, has died. 

- Her great-grandchildren were stunned saying "We honestly didn't see that coming."


Radaronline has confirmed that Bruce Jenner underwent breast implant surgery two weeks ago. He can't lift anything and has to wear a bra 24 hours a day during his recovery. 

- Bruce says he's so grateful to his plastic surgeon that his "Cups runneth over". 


Amazon Prime is expanding it's one hour delivery service to Dallas, Miami and Baltimore. 

- It's for people who just can't wait overnight for that "Star Wars Action Figure" they've had their hearts set on. 


Temperatures in Antarctica have reached 63 degrees fahrenheit. 

- It's so warm, the penguins have taken off their Tuxedo jackets. 


The Rolling Stones announced a two-month U.S. tour that will run through Spring and Summer, including a concert here in July.

- At their ages, it's more like a "Lipi-tour". 

- Mick Jagger is reportedly demanding that his dressing room be stocked with Compression stockings and cases of Ensure.


ABC announced that Ludacris and Chrissy Teigen will co-host the Billboard Music Awards in May.

- I'm going to be excited about this as soon as I find out who "Ludacris" and "Chrissy Teigen" are. 


Have a great day and I'll you back here Thursday!