Donald Trump told a group in Tennessee that he always carries a gun and would shoot anyone who tried to harm him. 

- He carries it in his hair. 


The hot rumor in DC is that Joe Biden will announce that he's running for President sometime this week. 

- It's a good thing Trump is the one packing heat and not Hillary. 


Whole Foods announced that they'll stop selling pre-made Tilapia dinners made by prison inmates. 

- That's a shame... The fish was so tender you could cut it with a shiv. 


A CNBC survey found that 20% of Uber users are holding off on buying a car because the App makes travel so convenient. 

- But considering what Uber charges, users could probably afford a Porsche for six months. 


An ad campaign in California is accusing the hook-up App Tinder for spreading STDs. 

- Remember the good old days when it was just Madonna that was responsible for spreading STDs?

- And most the the STD's are contracted in the back of Uber cars. 


A new study found that while teenage boys and girls text the same amount (167 texts a day), it affects girls grades badly, but not boys. They say it's because girls use texts to nurture friendships while boys just text important "stuff".  

- Like "Check out hot babe texting in front row". 


Florida police say the person responsible for a hit and run last month was former Partridge Family star David Cassidy. 

- Admit it. You thought I was going to say Danny Bonaduce. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!