Jackie's son Charlie is the big 1-3 today! He's a TEENAGER. Last Friday, she dropped him off at the front door of the school... This morning he wanted Jackie to drop him off two blocks away, in a rental car, so his buddies wouldn't see her. And so the fun begins! 

Happy Birthday Charlie!!!!!


The Secret Service says the knife-carrying man who jumped a fence and walked in the front door of the White House was not a serious threat. 

- If you really want to get to the President don't go to the White House...go to a golf course. 

- No wonder we can secure the southern border...The Obamas don't even lock the front door of their house! 

- Dontcha hate it when people just drop by your house without calling first? Especially when they're carrying a knife.


A study by the National Sleep Foundation found that 45% of children are allowed to use electronic gaming devices in their bedrooms. 

- The study also found that 85% of their parents have "gaming devices" in their bedrooms...but instead of electricity, the run on batteries. 


Sad news from the world of Reality TV... "Mama June" and "Sugar Bear", the stars of Honey Boo Boo, have broken up. They split after she discovered he had put up a dating profile on "PlentyoFish.com". 

- They'll divide their property equally: She'll get all the broken appliances in the back yard and he'll get the chevy pick-up on blocks in the front.  

- Sources say Sugar Bear is leaving to be with "an unnamed woman"...If I was that woman, I'd want to be "unnamed" too. 


In a newly released video, a spokesman for ISIS called Sec. of State John Kerry, "The old uncircumcised geezer". 

- In a display of true Statesmanship, Kerry replied "Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!"


A Booze Cruise ran aground at the Statue of Liberty, forcing all 121 passengers to be evacuated. 

- Thus the quote on Lady Liberty: "Give me your tired, your over-served, your huddled masses yearning to pee".


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday!