A new book about the Secret Service claims that no one wants to guard Joe Biden because he likes to go skinny dipping. 

- I guess this isn't what people meant when they said they wanted more "transparency" in Government. 

- On the bright side, thanks to "shrinkage" there's less of him to protect. 


Duke University found that modern society flourished once our ancestor's testosterone levels were reduced. 

- Meanwhile Estrogen levels plummet every time a woman happens to see Joe Biden skinny dipping. 


Hurray! Hurray! It's Primary Day!  Robo Calls From Campaign Staffs Will Stop Today!  


The Mayor of Toledo lifted citywide restrictions on drinking water yesterday. 

- So if you're planning your August vacation in Toledo this year...it's a go! 


According to a new survey, 3 in 5 Americans have had sex in a car. 

- Most in GM cars since there's no chance of the airbags accidentally deploying. 

- The survey also found that 2 in 5 Americans were Conceived in a car. 

- This proves the slogan: "Love...It's What Makes a Subaru a Subaru". 


An Illinois man faces charges for trying to kill his roommate because she ate three Chips Ahoy cookies for breakfast. 

- How much you wanna bet he goes with the "Twinkie Defense"?


According to Forbes magazine, Sandra Bullock earned $51 million dollars last year, making her the highest paid actress in Hollywood. 

- Bullock knocked Angelina Jolie from the top spot down to #5...but Angelina is still #1 in the Highest Paid "Serial Kid Adopter" category. 

- The "Highest Actress" went to Lindsay Lohan. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!