If anybody actually cares... We finally know what Kayne West gave his new bride Kim Kardashian for a wedding gift: An expensive, nearly nude portrait of Kim from behind, wearing only a G-String and high heels. It's called "Perfect B*tch". 

- And people say old-fashioned romance is dead! 

- Most of the money went to buy enough paint to capture Kim's butt. 


As talk of a movie deal heats up, a new report claims that Bowe Bergdahl left a note in his Army tent saying he wanted to start a new life in Afghanistan. 

- The movie is tentatively called "Why Are We Saving Private Bergdahl???"

- He's getting the medical attention he deserves...at a VA Hospital in Arizona. 


German Chancellor Angela Merkel missed a phone call from a friend who was competing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". 

- Luckily, President Obama was tapping her phone at the time, but gave the wrong answer. 


Pope Francis says people shouldn't substitute pets for children because it leads to bitterness in old age. 

- Especially cat owners...who's feline "friends" will pack them up and ship them off to a nursing home at a moment's notice. 

- Elderly dog owners will become bitter after Rover starts blowing through their money at Poker games. 


A new study says Americans like to start a diet on a Monday. 

- Well today is Wednesday, so eat up! 


Today is "Old Maid's Day". 

- Or as Arnold Schwarzenegger calls it, "Don't Forget To Get My Love Child's Mother A Card Day!"

- And to think of all the gifts Ann B. Davis would have gotten from the Brady Bunch if she'd just held on a few more days. 


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!