In the ongoing war on Global Warming, Federal researchers are attempting to breed sheep that give off less methane gas when they burp or break wind. 

- It's actually a highly classified project known as: "Silent But Deadly". 

- If only they'd had this technology before my former brother-in-law Joe married into the family. 


John Kerry say the U.S. is exploring alternative ways to kill off insurgents in Iraq. 

- They'd send in a bunch of Sheep, but poison gas isn't allowed under the Geneva Convention. 

- That's the great thing about many options! 


Twenty girls, age 7 and younger were forced into marriage during a ceremony in India. 

- The brides are already complaining about spending all day cooking for their husbands in their plastic "Little Tikes" kitchens. 

- I hope their parents aren't expecting grandkids anytime soon. 


A pre-teen boy in France has finally admitted that he made-up a story about being kidnapped to get out of going to the dentist. 

- It took hours, but the cops finally drilled the truth out of him. 

- I'm guessing this kid was born without Wisdom teeth. 


At 3:30pm this afternoon, Governor Rick Snyder is expected to sign the "Breastfeeding Anti-Descrimination Act" making it legal for woman to nurse their babies in public. 

- For full coverage of this story, just turn to any news channel on the Boob tube. 

- The police are expecting a huge crowd in Lansing...not protestors, just a lot of creepy guys with cameras. 


The Government continues to try to force the owner of the NFL's Washington Redskins to change the team name, saying it's offensive. 

- How about The Washington Redskin Potatoes? Nothin' offensive about that!


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!