Alec Baldwin was handcuffed and taken to the police station after he fought with cops trying to ticket him for riding his bike the wrong way on 5th Ave. in NYC. He later tweeted that New York is a "mismanaged carnival of stupidity". 

- Isn't that what he called his daughter on the telephone a few years ago? 

- Alec's bike seems to be going in the wrong direction...just like his career.  

*****

Due to the popularity of engagement ring selfies, the latest trend in plastic surgery is the "Hand Lift". Doctors inject patient's hands with a plumping agent to make them look years younger. It takes 10 minutes and costs $1200. 

- Which is more than most guys spend on the ring itself.  

- Grooms are also getting into the act...but they have the doctor put the "plumping agent" in an undisclosed location. 

*****

A new survey found that China is the most homophobic country in the world. 

- Their restaurants are even offering a new dish called "Moo Gay Guy Ban". 

- Some say that General Tso was gay...but was too Chicken to admit it. 

*****

The judge in Oscar Pistorius's murder trial has ordered that he undergo one month of psychiatric evaluation before the trial can continue. His lawyers say he's suffered lifelong anxiety from having his legs amputated. 

- I'm betting his girlfriend suffered a bit of anxiety while Oscar was shooting at her through that bathroom door as well.  

*****

A Study by the University of Queensland found that people who don't get too many "Likes" on their Facebook posts feel like they lead a less meaningful existence. 

- Hey, it's hard when your fake friends don't "Like" your posts! 

*****

A new law in Hawaii makes it illegal for cops to have sex with prostitutes. 

- This means they'll have two extra minutes per shift to hand out speeding tickets. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick