The White House has banned "selfies" after Boston Red Sox slugger David Ortiz sold one he took with President Obama to Samsung, who used it as a promotion for their new phone. 

- At least Ortiz didn't include his bat in the picture like Anthony Weiner always does. 

- What better way to showcase the President's love of America's Favorite Pastime than on a S. Korean phone. 


Paintings by George W. Bush have gone on display at his presidential Library.  

- The best one is of the President's now deceased dog Barney playing Poker. 

- He's gotten great reviews for his "Still Life". It was based on a cell phone pic of Dick Cheney's friend right after he shot him in the face. 


George Strait and Miranda Lambert were the big winners at last night's Country Music Awards. 

- There haven't been that many people in one place who've lost their job, dog and pick-up since last year's Kentucky State Fair. 


Today is National Beer Drinking Day. 

- This is the day when overweight men across America really go to work on their Six-Pack Abs. 

- National Beer Drinking Day is also known by another name..."College". 


David Letterman's announcement last week that he will retire in 2015 has TV execs buzzing about who will replace him. 

- Jay Leno is already working on his opening monologue. 


Bill Maher says there really is a "Gay Mafia", and that if you cross them, you get whacked. 

- And if you don't get whacked, you get dinner and an evening of dancing!

- Police can tell if the Gay Mafia ordered a hit, because the guy is found at the bottom of the river wearing expensive designer cement shoes. 


RIP...Mickey Rooney. The pint-sized actor who, along with his co-star Judy Garland, was one of MGM's biggest box office attractions in the '30's and 40's has died at the age of 93. In addition to his acting, Rooney was known for his marriages - there were 8 in all, including one to Ava Gardner. 

- One film historian said, "Mickey leaves some pretty small shoes to fill". 

- He will be buried after a short service. (Bada Boom!)


Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday.