Due to a counting error, it turns out Benny Napoleon actually beat write-in candidate Mike Duggan in the Detroit Mayoral primary. 

- If they can’t count ballots, no wonder the City of Detroit can’t count dollars! 


President Obama’s healthcare plan is going to have a surcharge for smokers to discourage smoking.

- Meanwhile, the country wants to charge the Government a surcharge for whatever it was they were smoking when they came up with “Obamacare”. 

- There will also be an added charge for people who refuse to eat an apple a day in order to keep the doctor away. 


New research found that people who have sex at least 4 times a week make significantly more money than those who don’t. 

- Well sure…they’re called “Hookers”!

- Men who take Viagra reported a definite rise…in their income. 

- Wow. Who woulda thunk a nerd like Bill Gates would be getting lucky so often?


There are now 16 women alleging sexual harrassment against San Diego Mayor Bob Filner.

- Hizzonner must have more money than we thought.


A group of illegal immigrants from Mexico is protesting at a Chicago hospital, demanding free organ transplants.

- You gotta be kidney-me!

- News of the protest spread by word of mouth…They all called each other on their free Obamaphones.


Lindsay Lohan said she hopes to move on from her troubled past and get back to work. 

- Let’s be honest, at this point does anyone actually remember what work Lindsay used to do that she wants to get back to?


Randy Jackson of the Jacksons blasted angry tweets at his family members for putting Michael’s daughter Paris in a psych ward, saying that she sems perfectly normal to him. 

- Then again in that family, collecting dead people’s bones, having interchangable noses, and building a roller coaster in your backyard are all considered “normal”. 


Dick Van Dyke escaped death when his car exploded on an L.A. freeway and he was pulled to safety. 

- Dick was tripping all over himself thanking the guy for saving him.

- Mary Tyler Moore immediately sent him a tweet reading “Oh Rob!”


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!