Al Qaeda’s chief bomb maker has reportedly developed an explosive for female suicide bombers that is hidden inside breast implants. 

- The most popular one is the 36-TNT.

- Women who’ve gotten the implants say the explosions they cause look and feel “really natural”. 

- Islamic terrorists have filed a petition to keep any and all virgins from getting the implants. 


A verterinarian at Kansas State Universtity says there is a dog STD that can be spread to humans. 

- The results were published in “Man’s Best Friend With Benefits” quarterly. 


Fresh out of Sex Rehab, San Diego Mayor Bob Filner is set to head back to work today, but he’s been banned my many local businesses, including “Hooters” for being “too disrespectful to women”. 

- And if anybody knows how to treat women with respect, it’s Hooters. 

- On the bright side…Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, and Anthony Weiner have invited him to join their foursome in the upcoming “Political Perverts Golf Outing”. 

- Filner reportedly has a back-up plan if he’s kicked out of office: He’s going back to school to become a gynocologist! 


Tim Tebow struggled in his pre-season home debut for the New England Patriots with just one completion and one interception. 

- But hey, at least he didn’t kill anybody like Aaron Hernandez did…allegedly! 


A German tech company has invented a pen that vibrates when you make a spelling mistake.

- This proves two things: My doctor is a bad speller, and has been using a pen like this for years. 


A Utah beauty ageant winner has given up her title after being arrested for throwing bombs at houses. 

- They’re first hint should have been when she came in dead last in the “Miss Congeniality” contest. 

- Some beauty queens sing opera, some throw bombs. Everybody’s got their own talent. 


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!