McDonald’s may soon offer home delivery nationwide. 

- Hollywood is already casting a movie about it called “Grease”. 

- Of course this means we may never see Michael Moore in public again. 


Visa reports that prom night will cost an average of $1,139 this year, up 5% from last year. 

- The kids spend a thousand of that on dresses, tuxes and limos…and the other $139 on pregnancy tests about a month from now. 


Despite Presidents of both parties trying for decades to eliminate the Federal Helium Progarm, the House vote 394 to 1 on Friday to keep it. 

- President Clinton was the execption. He wanted to keep the Helium, but vowed he didn’t inhale. 

- I didn’t realize the Chucky E. Cheese Birthday Lobby was so powerful. 


Dave Gold, the founder of the 99 Cents Only store chain, has died at the age of 80.

- He would have made it, if only the doctors hadn’t used the 99-cent Defribrulator they’d bought at one of his stores. 

- He asked to be creamated and put on the mantle in his favorite fake plastic Chinese Ming Vase. 


German researchers report that some women are using so much Botox, their bodies are developing antibodies against it, and it’s no longer working.  

- Pamela Anderson was reportedly stunned by the news. Of course you couldn’t tell…but she said she was stunned. 


To prepare for their upcoming world tour, the Rolling Stones played a surpise gig at a small club in LA on Saturday. 

- Apparently “Small Club” is the new term for “Nursing Home”. 

- These days, Mick and Keith’s idea of “Satisfaction” is when their Fiber One kicks in. 


Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! And don’t forget…Kathleen Madigan tapes her hour-long National Comedy TV Special this Saturday night at the Royal Oak Music Theater! Shows @ 7 & 9:30. Tix start at $35 dollars and are available by clicking on Hope to see you there!