Kwame Kilpatrick’s defense team has asked the court to let him out of the hooscow to visit his wife Carlita and his 3 sons in Texas before he is sentenced. They claim his lack of funds would make it impossible for him to be a flight risk and that he is too recognizable to sneak out of the country.
- By “lack of funds” they mean “not counting the millions he has stashed in off-shore accounts”.
- Why don’t Carlita and the kids come to Michigan? Who wouldn’t want to spend “Spring Break” visiting Dad in the Pen?!
- And Carlita is a lot more comfortable flying now that you’re allowed to carry baseball bats on planes.
It’s official. In an innauguration ceremony this morning, Pope Francis became the 266th Pope in history. The service was attended by thousands of pilgrims from around the world, and Vice President Joe Biden.
- Biden showed up late…apparently he assumed there’d be an opening act.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck was supposed to be leaving The View…then she wasn’t…and apparently now she is again. But when work leaked that Elisabeth was being fired by Barbara Walters, Babs got furious and denied it. So now, Elizabeth will be allowed to announce her own “choice” to leave the show live on the air.
- Of course you won’t be able to hear her over Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar.
- They wanted to replace her with another Republican, and so far they’ve narrowed it down to Clint Eastwood or Ted Nugent.
Today is St. Joseph’s Day…the day that the Swallows traditionally return to San Juan Capistrano, California.
- Tomorrow the Republicans will try to have them deported and the Democrats will offer them all a free car.
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has come out in support of gay marriage.
- Well, she didn’t really “come out”… she just said she’s in favor of it.
- Bill Clinton has been a long time supporter of lesbian marriage… and anything else that will end up with two chicks in the same bed.
The chairman of the House Intelligence Committee questioned the mental stability of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.
- It’s not so much Un’s maniacal plot to destroy the US as it is his friendship with Dennis Rodman.
- Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was outraged saying, “Kim Jong Un is just as mentally stable as I am…and almost as good looking!”
A man in Canada created a breakfast cereal called “Sex Cereal” that he claims boosts sexual health.
- This is nothing new… Hookers have been enjoying “Trix” for years.
- NOTE: Make sure you don’t accidentally pick up a box of “Fiber One”.
A new study finds that “Nap Rooms” in the workplace encourage workers to take short naps in the afteroon to re-charge.
- Male employees have asked that the nap room be located inside the “breast-feeding room”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
REMINDER: I’m taking a few Fridays off from my regular Podcast, so for the first time ever, we’ve posted all 76 of them on the dickpurtan.com homepage. Just “Pick and Click”! (I believe that’s also the name of a morning show team in Cleveland!)