Amazingly, Charlie Sheen may live to see his own funeral.  Sources say the producers of “Two And A Half Men” have decided that the self-professed “Warlock” WILL NEVER return to the show, by killing off his character, “Charlie Harper” in next season’s first episode.  Rumor has it, Sheen’s character will drive his car off a cliff, something that has mysteriously happened to two of Charlie’s cars in real life. 

- But Charlie will stay with ABC, joining the cast of “General Hospital” playing his identical evil-twin! 

- Sheen immediately filed suit when he heard the story… to the tune of “Two And A Half Million Bucks”.  

- Charlie is going to have to change his catch phrase from “Winning!” to “Dying!”