According to Harold Camping, a Christian radio host with Family Radio, “The Rapture” will occur tomorrow, Saturday May 21st. “The Rapture” means judgement day for both believers and non-believers, the day when God brings his children up to Heaven and all the rest eventually go to Hell, and the world ends.
Now, while there seems to be absolutely no proof that the world will end Saturday, I’ve jotted down a “TO-DO TODAY List”… JUST IN CASE!
- Cancel haircut.
- Screw Salmon! Tonight for dinner it’s a big juicy steak followed by a hot fudge Sundae with full fat ice cream, real whipped cream and sprinkles. (Hey… it’s the end of the world!)
- Forget my heart… Eat big piece of MILK chocolate instead of DARK chocolate!
- Stop worrying about Middle East Peace and whether Iran has nuclear weapons. (Plus! No more seeing ugly pictures of Quadaffi!)
- Openly admit that I like some of Lady Gaga’s music.
- Do “Put-On” Call to Kwame Kilpatrick saying Parole Board approved early release.
- Finally rent and watch DVD of “The Kings Speech” and “Police Academy 6”
- Don’t bother to pick up Cholesterol prescription at drug store.
- Call Art Van and tell them I won’t being making ANY payments on the Furniture I bought with “no money down and absolutely no payments until 2014!”
- Don’t have to live with the “unfairness of life” if Kirstie Alley actually wins “DWTS”.
- Stop worrying about whether Lions’ QB Matthew Stafford’s shoulder will hold up.
- Watch WWII Hitler Special for the 3000th (and final) time.
- Stop worrying about how the weather will be during my July 11th Birthday Party.
- Forget workout!
- Cancel Red Cross Blood Donation Appt.
- Stop wondering if Detroit will ever “come back”.
- Return pallet of toilet paper to Costco.
- Give up stressing over whether U of M will ever beat Ohio State again.
- Stop worrying about what’s causing pain in thumb.
- Call-in early vote for American Idol finale.
- Stop wondering if Arnold Schwarzenegger will be voted Father of the Year.
- Cancel subscription to “How To Live To Be One Hundred” Magazine.
- Stop worrying when the world will end. And finally…
- Refill Viagra prescription just in case “you CAN take it with you”!
So that’s just a partial list of the things I’ll be doing today, in anticipation of the “End of The World” Saturday.
P.S. Personally I don’t believe the world will end tomorrow, May 21st, but it will definitely end at exactly 5pm on May 25th…
WHEN OPRAH FINISHES HER LAST SHOW!
Have a great weekend… and I “HOPE” to see you back here Monday!
-Dick