Well last night was the big night… For those of you who didn’t catch Big Al on “Detroit 1-8-7” – he was great.  All four lines and 6 seconds of him.  And the best part of all… (SPOILER ALERT:  If you DVR’ed the show and haven’t watched it yet don’t read the next sentence.)  Big Al was NOT the killer.  Nor did he get killed.  Small part.  Great performance.  (But Al’s always been used to small parts).   

I talked to Big Al this morning, (he actually took my call!) and although he hasn’t been offered any other roles yet, he has been contacted by a local Polish Wedding Band who wants to hire him as a sub for when their regular leader has to bow out from eating too many perogis.

Of course there was other big news on the tube…

Michael Bolton got booted from DWTS last night after receiving the lowest score of any celebrity in the show’s history:  12 out of a possible 30.  He began his dance by crawling out of a doghouse. 

The doghouse was actually loaned to the show by Tiger Wood’s ex-wife Elin Nordegrin. 

Michael should release a new song, “When a Man Loves a Woman… He Really Should Learn How To Dance”. 

More Fun Than The Three-Legged Race! 

Sunday, in Sydney, Australia, a four women team won 10 grand and broke the world record for running the fastest relay race in stiletto heals.  Guinness confirmed that “The Pinkettes” ran the 263-foot course in one minute, 4 seconds while wearing three-inch heels.  The event drew about 100 competitors, including some men.

The male team consisting of Elton John, Adam Lambert and George Michael would have won, but George fell asleep halfway through the race. 

The only time I’ve ever seen a woman run that fast in high heels is when a “Half-Off” everything sale is announced over the loudspeaker at DSW.

Draft Dodgers

There’s a new version of the “Snuggi” that’s selling like hotcakes in England.  It’s an all in one fleece body suit with elastic at the wrist and ankles.  It’s marketed as being “more stylish than a tracksuit and more comfortable than a bathrobe.” Its creator is astonished at how well it’s selling.

Well, the Queen gets cold in those drafty old castles.

Prince Charles ordered two to keep the family jewels warm! 

Genesis… That’s the Book About Phil Collins, Right?   

A pew quiz of Americans found that religious people know less about religion than atheists do.  For instance, 45% of Catholics didn’t know that the church teaches that Communion wine and wafers actually become the flesh and blood of Christ and are not just a symbol.  And over half of Protestants couldn’t identify Martin Luther as the leader of the Protestant Reformation. 

Almost everyone surveyed thought Martin Luther is the real name of rapper L.L. Cool J.

Most surprising was the fact that 37% of Americans thought Jesus had only 4 disciples:  John, Paul, George and Ringo.

If Your Election Lasts For More Than Four Hours…

The Republican’s strongest campaign issue this November is that if Democrats retain control of Congress, unpopular liberal Nancy Pelosi will remain Speaker.  She’s become so toxic that even some Democrats are promising voters that if elected, they’ll oppose her reelection. 

Pelosi showed no emotion when she heard the news.  Then again, she’s had so much work done, she CAN’T show ANY emotion.

Meanwhile, the Speaker is forging ahead… promoting a “Bo-Tox and Spend” agenda. 

History Repeats Itself 

Monday in Miami, historians reenacted the trial of mobster Al Capone that took place there 80 years ago.  Actors playing the District Attorney and Capone himself quoted the exact words spoken back in 1930.  And guess what?  The mock jury acquitted Capone just like the real one did. 

It probably didn’t help that they used former O.J. Simpson jurors and had Judge Ito play the Judge.

It wasn’t the sharpest mock jury… when polled, they all said they thought the idea of  “Double Jeopardy” was invented by Alex Trebek. 

Of course the real Al Capone eventually ended up in prison on tax fraud charges.  If only he’d called Sam Bernstein’s Great, Great Grandfather! 

Today’s Almanac…

On this day in 1990, “Millie’s Book”, ghostwritten by then First Lady Barbara Bush became the first book by a dog ever to hit the bestseller list. 

Unless you count Rosie O’Donnell’s memoir.

You’d have thought Snoopy would have been first… he spent enough time with his typewriter.


Have a great second-to-last-day of September and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!

- Dick