Well tonight’s the night “Detroit 1-8-7” makes its network debut on ABC at 10pm. The program focuses on the work of a Detroit Homicide Unit and is the first network TV show to be fully produced right here in the Motor City. The show stars Michael Imperioli (Christopher on the Sopranos) and James McDaniel (from NYPD Blue) and yes, Detroit’s own…Big Al Muskavito. (A legend in his own mind).
Now, due to a miscommunication (Al swears it wasn’t his fault), Big Al will actually be in NEXT WEEK’S episode, not tonight’s debut show as previously reported. Tonight “Detroit 1-8-7” will feature the series’ pilot. Mr. Muskavito will make HIS network dramatic debut NEXT WEEK, Tuesday, September 28th at 10:00 P.M. on ABC. Sorry for any inconvenience.
However, because of Big Al’s mediocre, uh, excuse me, meteoric rise to fame, it’s very difficult to pin the big guy down for a one-on-one interview. Well, today is our lucky day. Yes, I had the rare opportunity to sit down with Al (After I promised him a free lunch) and here are some excerpts from that conversation.
DICK
I guess it’s safe to assume that you’re pretty excited about your role in “Detroit 1-8-7”?
BIG AL
You got that right, uh, I’m sorry. I forgot your name.
DICK
Dick. Dick Purtan. We used to work together on the radio.
BIG AL
The radio?
DICK
Yes. Remember… “Dick Purtan and Purtan’s People”? You were one of my people.
BIG AL
Vaguely. Now speaking of that (YELLING) Could one of MY people please get me a decaf venti cap with half & half and triple sweet and low? Like, NOW!
DICK
In your episode, you play a Polish Band Leader at a wedding…
BIG AL
Yes.
DICK
How did you prepare for the role?
BIG AL
How did Charlton Heston prepare to play Moses? How did Marlon Brando become “The Godfather”? (PENSIVE PAUSE) Like many of my fellow Lesbians, I’m a method actor.
DICK
I think you mean “Thespians”.
BIG AL
Whatever. The point is… I do what all great actors do – in this case let’s use me as an example –
DICK
You consider yourself a “great actor”?
BIG AL
As I was saying, what we do is reach deep; deep down into our own well of emotional experiences and bring those thoughts and feelings to the role. It’s a painful process – agonizing at times – but you owe it to the audience.
DICK
But you only have five lines.
BIG AL
(PAUSE) While it is true that I have a small part… um, uh, let me rephrase that: While my role in next week’s episode may not be a major one, it is still crucial to the plot.
DICK
Will you be watching next week? I know a lot of actors get too nervous to watch themselves perform.
BIG AL
I have a mirror over my bed. I’ve been watching myself perform for years.
DICK
Okay.
BIG AL
As for all the buzz about an Emmy nomination…
DICK
I haven’t heard anything about that.
BIG AL
I guess you have to be in the industry. The point is, I don’t want people jumping the gun. I think my work next week will speak for itself. Much like the burrito I had earlier. It’s been talking back to me during this entire interview. (YELLING) Could someone get me a Pepto with a Perrier chaser?
DICK
Well, I wish you well next week.
BIG AL
Thank you, Rick.
DICK
Dick.
BIG AL
Right.
DICK
Before we go… there’s a show on Bravo called “Inside the Actors Studio”. The host, James Lipton, always finishes his interview by asking the famous actors a series of one-word-answer questions. Do you mind if I ask you just a few?
BIG AL
I’d be delighted. But make it quick; I have an appointment to get my eyebrows teased.
DICK
What’s your favorite word?
BIG AL
Food.
DICK
What is your favorite swear word?
BIG AL
$%@8!*
DICK
Favorite news outlet?
BIG AL
The National Enquirer.
DICK
Favorite author?
BIG AL
Tough question…I love Dr. Seuss, but the guy who wrote Curious George certainly is a favorite, as well.
DICK
Big Al, I can’t thank you enough for taking time out of your busy press tour to talk to me…And I’ll let you go because I know you’re worried about the paparazzi showing up.
BIG AL
You ordered from the pizzeria? Forget it, I’ll stay. I’m starving.
DICK
That’s Big Al Muskavito ladies and gentlemen. Look for him next Tuesday night, September 28th at 10:00 P.M. on ABC as he makes his network debut on Detroit 187. Thanks again, Al.
BIG AL
No, thank you, Nick.