“I’d Like To Teach the World To Snort…”
Paris Hilton was arrested, then released, in Las Vegas late Friday night. Cops pulled over an Escalade she was riding in with her boyfriend when they noticed a trail of smoke coming from the car that smelled like pot. Upon investigation, police found a small amount of cocaine in Paris’s possession. She says she’s not worried… that “it’s no big deal”. Experts predict she’ll get probation.
She said the Coke thing was just a mistake. She thought she’d bought Pepsi.
Why oh why couldn’t she have been pulled over in Turkey or Thailand?
She said there was a bright spot to her arrest. The booking officer was HOT!
Mall Talkers
Saturday a huge crowd from across America packed the National Mall in Washington for conservative talk show host Glenn Beck’s “Restoring America” rally. Beck and speaker Sarah Palin said the rally wasn’t about politics – but about restoring America’s honor and having faith in God. The most controversial part was the crowd count.
There was just a slight discrepancy… Fox News reported 1 million people attended while MSNBC claimed only 10 people showed up.
And Keith Olbermann said they were the “10 Worst People In The World!”
Two Great Reasons To Vote For This Guy…
Breast implants are big, so to speak, in Venezuela but the bad economy has caused a lot of people to cut back on plastic surgery. That gave National Assembly candidate Gustavo Rojas a great idea for funding his campaign: He’s raising money by raffling off free breast implant surgery.
His campaign slogan is, “A Chicken In Every Pot… and An Implant In Every Breast!”
I finally understand why they call it a “Campaign Chest”!
So if you’re a breast man and you like inflation, vote for Rojas!
“Eat, Drink & You Won’t Be Able To Do Mary”
According to a new survey by the Nutrisystem diet company, many Americans would give up just about anything to lose 10 to 20 pounds. A large number said they would give up a job promotion, throw away their cell phones or stop watching TV in order to have a toned stomach.
But if they give up TV… how are they going to find out how to order all those “Not-Available-In-Stores-Amazing-Stomach-Toners”?
NOTE TO MEN: 52% of women surveyed said they’d rather give up sex for an entire summer than gain 10 pounds.
So when you take your wife out to dinner – don’t let her order anything but salad!
Let’s face it, Americans would give up just about anything to lose weight – except food.
There Was a Doctor in the House!
Al Pacino picked up an Emmy last night for lead actor in a movie/mini-series for his role in “You Don’t Know Jack” – the story of our own Dr. Jack Kevorkian. And guess what? The good doctor himself was in the audience and rose to salute Pacino as he accepted his award. Jimmy Fallon hosted the ceremony and got good reviews.
Fallon was good… but Dr. Kevorkian killed!
There was so much Botox in the room, Dr. K said it was just like being in the morgue – except the people had clothes on.
Geoffrey Feiger not only loaned Kevorkian his own personal hair stylist for the event, he actually flew him out to LA. On his own back! (Super Feiger…Up, Up and Away!)
BONUS VIDEO!
We thought Jimmy Fallon did a pretty good job last night – and the best part was his musical tribute to some popular TV shows that have finished their run. Click below and enjoy…
Have a great day and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick