After weeks of speculation it was announced that BP CEO Tony Hayward will step down and be replaced by an American executive. But don’t worry about him… He’s reportedly getting a $23 million dollar golden parachute – including a $930,000 a year pension and a possible position with BP’s Russian operation.
I think he should be thrown out of a plane with a golden parachute… with a big hole in it.
When he heard how much money he was getting he positively GUSHED!
The really bad news is that Hayward’s being put in charge of the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant.
Talk About Digging Your Own Grave…
Britain’s Sun tabloid reports that UK’s version of the IRS busted a man for a bizarre scheme to evade taxes. They claim he took $210,000 U.S. and buried it in his aunt’s grave. Allegedly he planned to leave it there until the 20-year time limit for tax investigations had passed. He was turned in by his local priest and the police dug up the money.
Police say they have a lot of dirt on this guy… of course not as much as is on his aunt.
So it’s true: You Can’t Take It With You… but your dead aunt can hold onto it for a while.
This gives a whole new meaning to the term “Grave Robbers”.
“Doe A Deer a Female Deer…”
17-year-old Kacee Larson of Conrad, Iowa has been nicknamed “The Deer Magnet” because deer just keep running in front of her car. She’s hit five deer in the last year alone. Her pastor’s wife suggested that she pray before getting behind the wheel.
Shouldn’t the deer be the ones praying?
On the bright side, she makes one heck of a Venison Stew!
She’s thinking of trading in her mini-van for a slower moving, less dangerous vehicle: A John Deere Tractor.
We’re Not Yolking, Honest!
A man in China’s Yunan Province is applying for a Guinness World Record. He claims he’s had a laying hen since 1988 – making her 22 or 400 years old in human terms. He says she’s in fairly good health and has laid over 5,000 eggs during her lifetime.
Question: Why did the oldest chicken cross the road? Don’t ask the chicken, it can’t remember.
She’s laid over 5,000 eggs… which breaks the record of a chicken once owned by Wilt Chamberlain.
Can We Talk?
President Obama will make history this Thursday when he becomes the first sitting American President to ever appear on a daytime talk show. Which show you ask? The View!
I’d tune in to hear what he has to say but lets be honest, with him sitting in the middle of all those women, he’s not gonna get a word in edgewise.
I wonder if they’ll have him sit on Whoopi’s cushion?
Elizabeth Hasselbeck has already been put on a Valium I.V. Drip.
Have You Got a Light?
On this day in 1586, Sir Walter Raleigh arrived in England with his first load of tobacco from Virginia.
The very next day Queen Elizabeth the First proclaimed, “Smoke ‘em if thou’s got ‘em!”
Is That A Carrot In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
Believe it or not, Bugs Bunny turns 70 today…
Thanks to the Viagra we finally know the answer to the question, “What’s up Doc”. (His ears, of course!)
Have a great Tuesday and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick, Jackie & Big Al