I had a warm fuzzy feeling this morning that I couldn’t explain… and then I read the headline and it all made sense:  “Kwame Kilpatrick Moved Closer to Detroit”. Now I understand! 

Kwame has been transferred from a prison in Manistee to the Federal Corrections Institution in Milan, about 15 miles south of Ann Arbor.  The Kwamster’s lawyer said access to a legal library and a computer will better allow his client to prepare a defense against federal fraud and tax charges.

And the computer will make it a whole lot easier to send e-mails to his lady friends!  Those carrier pigeons took forever!

He’s really excited about the library… Kwame loves “Text” books!

By the way, inmates at Kwame’s new home include Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian accused of attempting to blow up a Detroit-bound airliner on Christmas Day.

The only difference between the two is one concealed a bomb in his underwear and the other one’s life exploded because he couldn’t keep his underwear on! 

Speaking of Prison (and Underwear)

Lindsay Lohan woke up in a California prison this morning (the same one Paris Hilton briefly visited), and chances are, she’s not in a happy mood.  While incarcerated she’ll be forced to used cheap, generic brand shampoo, she can’t smoke, drink, wear hair extentions, use a cell phone or Twitter.

And here we were worried about the torture at Gitmo…  

When she heard she wouldn’t be able to have hair extensions, she allegedly begged for the death penalty. 

On the bright side, she’ll be around bars 24/7! 

There are 8 million stories in the Naked City…

84 year old Hugh Hefner told the New York Post that while he’s gotten used to seeing naked women over the years (unlike Big Al), he has not become “desensitized” to female nudity.  He says he’s always been “a tradition-bound romantic”.  As for big boobs, Hef says if you’re born without them, “one understands that’s what cosmetic surgery is for”.

He is a traditional romantic!

As for Hef’s private parts… “one understands that’s what Viagra is for”.

He may have gotten used to seeing naked women… but there isn’t a woman on the planet who can get used to seeing him naked. 

Labors of Love…

Angie Cromar of Murray, Utah, stunned doctors by conceiving two babies, a boy and a girl, a week apart.  The babies aren’t twins and are due at different times.  Turns out she has an extremely rare condition called “Didelyphs” which means she has two uteruses.  The odds of conceiving in both at the same time are one in five million.

Maury Povich is devoting an entire season to figuring out who the fathers are.

Actually for privacy purposes, the babies had requested “adjoining wombs”.

If only the Octomom had this condition, she could have carried 16 babies that she can’t take care of!

While we’re on the subject of Mothers…

Happy belated (by one day) Birthday to my daughter Jessica, the proud mother of the “Amazing Preston” and the “Equally Amazing Jack”.  I meant to mention it yesterday but I was so emotional about the whole Lindsey Lohan prison-thing I forgot… 

Have a great day and see you back here tomorrow!

- Dick