Have You Married a Ford Lately?
After dating for nearly a decade, Calista “Ally McBeal” Flockhart and Harrison “Indiana Jones” Ford finally tied the knot! The ceremony was performed in New Mexico by Governor Bill Richardson.
- So I guess this means Harrison’s no longer “Han SOLO”
- Calista’s “Brothers & Sisters” co-star Sally Field couldn’t attend the wedding because, go figure, it was the one-day of the month she had to be home in L.A. to take her Boniva.
Kind of makes that Free Turkey your boss gave you last Christmas seem pretty lame…
Oprah celebrated the 10th anniversary of her “O” magazine by giving everyone on the staff 10 thousand dollars and a brand new iPad with an engraved leather case. And here’s the thing… it doesn’t matter how long you’ve worked at the company – you still got the “thank you” gift.
- Keeping in the Mac theme, she gave her longtime boyfriend Steadman an Apple… no, just an apple.
Speaking of People Rolling in Dough…
Last year, Bill Gates and Warren Buffett hosted a private (and secretive) dinner for other billionaires including one of the Rockefellers and Oprah. Fortune Magazine now reports the dinner was actually a fundraiser… Gates and Buffet want the billionaires to help the world by pledging to give away at least half of their fortunes to worthy causes now or upon their deaths.
- How much you want to bet they all voted for the “upon my death” option?
- A billion dollars… let’s see that’s nine zeros. Except for the Hilton family where it comes out to eleven zeros – if you count Paris and Nicky.
Which brings us to the Charlie Sheen Car-Knapping Mystery…
Someone stole Charlie Sheen’s Mercedes in the middle of the night, rolled it over a 100 foot cliff, and left it running at the bottom of a ravine with its light on. Curiously, the exact same thing happened five months ago to Charlie’s Bentley.
- Police are looking for 5000 hookers who Charlie short-changed… on the tab!
- Investigators say they do have have leads so far on Two and a Half irate husbands. (Two of the guys are really mad… the other guy’s just sort of ticked off.)
The FDA announced yesterday that a pill touted as “the female Viagra” showed disappointing results in two studies. The so-called “Little Pink Pill” is supposed to boost the sex drive in premenopausal women but women taking the pill showed no significant increase in desire. On the up side, the women said they were a bit more satisfied when they did have sex.
- Of course the women who were the most satisfied were the ones given the placebo sugar pill.
- When they found out the pill didn’t work, the researchers suggested the old fashioned approach: just give her a gift certificate to DSW and a Whitman’s Sampler.
- I want someone to develop a pill that would help me understand why the people in the Cialis commercials have two antique bathtubs in their backyard.
The NY Post reports that Greyhound Bus driver Duane Snipes was fired and charged with grand larceny for allegedly taking a $600,000 bus from an NYC bus terminal to Mount Vernon, New York. Snipes originally said he took the bus to take his daughter to school… but finally admitted he stole it so he could go visit his girlfriend.
- Apparently his girlfriend said, “why don’t you just hop on a bus and come see me?”… so he did.
- If you think his boss was upset, you should’ve seen the bus passengers!
Police in Florida have arrested a man who allegedly became enraged because Burger King ran out of lemonade. When the manager at the drive-thru told him they were out, he got out of his pick up truck, grabbed her by the collar and started screaming at her. He was later arrested for battery.
- The manager said she won’t press charges… but did call the man “a real sourpuss”.
- I don’t know why he wanted lemonade to start with… sounds like he’d already had a ton of Orange Juice… with Vodka.
While we’re on the subject of Juice…
It was on this day in 1994 that millions of people watched O.J. Simpson lead Los Angeles police on a slow-speed car chase in his white Ford Bronco before being arrested for double-murder.
- Of course we didn’t realize it at the time, but that ride gave network execs the idea for “Reality Shows”. OJ should have been given the death penalty just for that.
Steve Wilson, an employee for DoodyCalls Pet Waste Removal in St. Louis, is one honest guy. While picking up some dog poop, he noticed some bills sticking out of it. He pulled the money out, sanitized it, and returned it to the pet’s owner. The total take: $58.
- Kind of gives new meaning to the expression, “Filthy Rich”.
- Now we know why bear’s do it in the woods… They don’t want anyone to find their “savings deposits”.
- The company wanted to give him a bonus, but Mr. Wilson insisted he was just “doing his doody”.
- Now when he makes calls, his customers always greet him with a friendly, “Howdy Doody!”