Three bi-sexual mean are suing the North American Gay Amateur Athletic Alliance for discrimination. After playing for the second-place team in the 2008 Gay Softball World Series in Seattle, they were interviewed and deemed “non-gay” by a panel of experts. They say the ruling violates discrimination laws – and want both the ruling overturned and $75,000 each for emotional distress.
- They didn’t stand a chance… I heard the “panel of experts” included Ricky Martin, Barnie Frank, and Elton John.
- Apparently if you try to get to first base with boys and girls… you’re just not gay-enough.
- It’s not like they’re the first “switch-hitters” in the history of baseball…
Speaking of sex…
The former Little League coach for Larry King’s two young sons told In Touch magazine that he had an affair with Larry’s wife, Shawn – but Larry didn’t care because he was infatuated with her younger sister, Shannon. Hector Penate claims Shawn gave him a BMW, among other things, and wanted to have a baby with him. He said, “We had sex in Larry’s bed – a lot. I had sex with Shawn while Larry was on TV. Our sex life was real good.”
- It was “real good” because they were using Larry’s suspenders as a trapeze.
- In my book, fooling around while watching Larry King is the very definition of “bad sex”.
- Once, during one of their “frolicking sessions” they freaked out when they heard Larry say, “Helloooo!”
Popular Mechanics magazine reports that inventor Bruce Lund has invented a new weapon for the Pentagon. Lund’s “projectile” is specially designed to calculate distance and hydrogen propulsion allowing a projectile to stop, but not kill, a target. But what’s really interesting is that Lund made his fortune as a toymaker. Among his creations: “Honey: My Baby Pony” and “Tickle Me Elmo”.
- In fact, he can adjust the propulsion of a projectile to just tickle you.
- Instead of “Bro” I can see the news footage now… “Don’t tase me, Elmo!”
- Next up: “Bert & Ernie’s Biological Weapons… brought to you by the letters B & W”
If you’re desperate for a job, Florida’s Ritz Carlton South Beach is having a hard time finding a “Tanning Butler”. That’s right… they’re looking for a man to apply lotion to sunbathing guests. Despite getting national attention for their ad, only three men showed up to apply for the job and all were deemed “unsuitable”.
- They’ve got one heck of a “Sun-Screen-ing Process”.
- And Big Al was so sure that the third costume he wore would work.
- At last I found my new occupation in retirement: Tanning Butler! Why didn’t I think of this before?
Romance writer Danielle Steel’s former assistant Kristy Watts had been sentenced to almost three years in the slammer for embezzlement. Watt’s, who worked part time for Steel, was paid two hundred grand a year to handle payroll and accounting – but it turns out that, among other things, she used her access to Steel’s accounts to pay herself an additional $760,000…
- On a happy note, it gave Danielle Steel an idea for a great new novel… “In The Black… In The Red… As Long As We’re in Bed”.
- When the officers arrived to arrest Steel’s assistant… “Her bosom heaved…straining against the pearl buttons on her silken blouse. Gasping for breath, she managed to whisper… ‘I’ve been a very bad girl officer’. ‘I know”, he mumbled, roughly slapping the handcuffs on her delicate wrists. ‘It’s my job to find out just how bad…’”