There’s No Gay in Gayle…
While taping an interview with Barbara Walters, Oprah Winfrey denied rumors that she’s a lesbian, and said that Gayle King is just her girlfriend. Oprah said if she were a lesbian she wouldn’t deny it, but added, “I’m not even kinda a lesbian”. But she did get choked up as she described her Gayle-Pal as “the mother I never had, the sister everbody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves”.
- Sounds to me like Gayle is Oprah’s “Most Favorite Thing”.
- She likes her so much she’s going to have her cloned and give one to everybody in her studio audience!
- Oprah also described her longtime boyfriend Steadman as “Her BFF without benefits”.
A New Spin On Twins!
Big News out of MSU… Researchers there proved that marriage settles men down and makes them less likely to get involved in aggressive or antisocial behavior. The 10 year study was conducted on 289 sets of male twins to rule out the theory that only more mellow guys say “I Do” in the first place. The results showed that when one twin got married, he calmed down while the bachelor twin tended to stick to his antisocial behavior.
- So all those “Evil Twin” plots on the Soap Operas are true!
- Getting married settles a guy down? Looks like somebody forget to tell Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods.
- If marriage really settles a guy down, Larry King should be in a coma by now.
Hurry! Sale Ends, well, uh…
Larry Falter, the owner of LTD Jewelers in Superior, Wisconsin believes that Jesus is returning… soon. He’s putting his money where his faith is by holding a “Second Coming Sale”. He’s offering 50% off all the jewelry in his store from now until Jesus returns.
- When his wife found out their income would be cut in half, she served him two things: Divorce Papers and his “Last Supper”.
- I feel bad for Jesus… he’s gonna miss the sale!
- A Jewish competitor across the street has announced a “First Coming Sale”.
“I Swear This Dude In A Big Red Suit Came Down My Chimney, Man!”
Police in Berlin, Germany busted an “old hippie” who was using a six-foot tall marijuana plant as a Christmas tree. It was in a Christmas tree stand and decorated with a string of lights. He told them he was planning to add more decorations and put presents underneath it, “according to tradition.” He was charged with drug possession and his “tree” was confiscated.
- His favorite holiday carol? “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Cannibis!”
- This guy is definitely not a “wise man”.
- His neighbors said he’s very good at crafts and rolls his own ornaments every year!
- Instead of cookies and milk, he leaves Santa a plate of Doritos and a bottle of Mountain Dew.
On A Serious Note…
Aretha Franklin has been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, one of the toughest. My - and all Purtan’s Peoples’ thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family. In my opinion, Aretha is the greatest singer to ever come out of Detroit. My personal favorite is her rendition of “I Say A Little Prayer”. Just click below to hear her amazing performance!