Security Guards A Little Too Frisk-y?
A man from Oceanside, California is against the TSA’s full body scans and invasive patdowns at airports – and has posted a video on YouTube to show why. He used his cell phone at the San Diego Airport to record security people giving him a patdown, then telling him he had to submit to a secondary “groin check”. Tyner replied, “You touch my junk and I’m going to have you arrested.” Security took that as a threat and threw him out of the airport. He could face a $10,000 fine and a civil suit.
- It’s kind of like those old photo booths that you and your boyfriend or girlfriend would squeeze into to take funny pictures of your faces… only the one’s at the airport take pictures of your private parts! Aside from that small detail, it’s about the same thing.
- Apparently he didn’t want anyone “touching his junk” until he actually got on the plane and tried to join the mile high club!
- This gives a whole new meaning to, “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
- Maybe instead of full body scans and invasive patdowns, how about everybody gets a parachute and a bag of pretzels?
Well I’ll Be Damned!
Over the weekend in Baltimore, the Roman Catholic Church held a two-day seminar to train new exorcists. They say there are only a few people who know the ritual, and too many requesting it. So more than 50 bishops and 60 priests signed up for the crash course in casting out demons. A Cardinal said learning how to do an exorcism isn’t hard, the problem is the discernment an exorcist requires to know whether or not it’s needed.
- When I heard about this story, it made my head spin.
- Upon completion of the course, each priest got a certificate and an autographed picture of Linda Blair.
- When asked the key to living a good life, one priest responded, “Diet and Exorcise”.
- The technical name for a person who appears to be possessed by the devil is “Teenager”.
- It’s a good thing they had the exorcism seminar after Halloween… that way I didn’t have to buy a vampire costume.
The King of Socks & Bonds
Saturday in New York, thousands of items seized from convicted stock swindler Bernie Madoff were auctioned with proceeds going to his victims. His wife’s 10.5 carat diamond ring brought $550,000 and his vintage Rolex sold for $67,500. But bidders also paid big bucks for the most everyday items like Madoff’s old shoes and worn socks. And believe it or not, a selection of his boxer shorts valued at $380 sold for $650.
- I hear Bernie still wears boxers in the slammer… briefly!
- If they’d held this auction at the prison, they could have called it a “Yard Sale”.
- In a related story, Bernie has been cast in the Prison’s Spring Musical, “Happy Days”. He’ll be playing “Ponzi”.
Luckily He Couldn’t Ketch-up With Her!
Last Thursday at the Burger Stop in LA, Francisco Hernandez proposed to his girlfriend. She said no! Police say he then went back to his car and tried to run her over. He had “Stacy Will You Marry Me?” written on his back windshield. He fled on foot and was eventually arrested after being spotted walking around with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
- Can he help it if he’s a hopeless romantic?
- At least he gave her a running start!
- He wanted it his way and apparently she didn’t want to “hold the pickle”.
“No TV Until Yaboo Finishes Your Homework!”
An Australian newspaper reports that a new type of work is being outsourced to India: Homework! Sweatshops are providing students with everything from math problem answers at $2 each to complete essays for as little as $2 per 100 words. Educators say they’ve worked out ways to spot cheaters who cut and paste from Internet sites like Wikipedia, but when homework is custom-written by Indian subcontractors, it’s much harder to spot.
- So Indian kids are doing our kids homework, and we call their parents to help fix our computers when we can’t open the essay we just bought from their son.
- The Indian kids don’t always get the papers done on time. Their #1 excuse? “Sari. My sacred cow ate it”.
- American teachers are going to have to start giving students’ papers the “curry smell test”!
Today’s Almanac
On this day in 1492, Christopher Columbus noted the use of tobacco by American Indians in his journal. It’s the first recorded reference to tobacco.
- So smoke signals weren’t messages, they were just a bunch of Native Americans having a cigarette break.
Have a great day and I’ll see your right back here tomorrow!
- Dick