Another day… Another retirement! 

Good luck to Red Wing Kirk Maltby who announced he’s hanging up his jersey after 14 seasons in Detroit. We’ll miss him, but it’s good news for his wife – She won’t have to climb into bed with a guy with cold feet every night!

A Major Victory For the Miners!

And before we get to the lighter news of the day, it’s impossible not to mention those incredibly brave Chilean miners!  As I write this, 15 of the 33 men who have been trapped more than 2000 feet underground for 69 days have been successfully brought to the surface.  Keep your fingers crossed!

“The Sea Of People Was Angry My Friend”

An ABC News/Yahoo poll finds that as midterm election day nears, the number one word Americans pick to describe their mood is “angry”.  People across all income groups are angry about everything the government’s done, but especially the economy:  85% are mad or at least dissatisfied with that.  They don’t like Republicans but are furious with Democrats.  One North Carolina voter – a registered Democrat - said, “I’m very angry. My wife is angry.  We’re an angry household here.” 

Maybe they just plain hate each other! 

People would be leaning out of their windows yelling “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore” except they don’t have any windows because they had to move out when their house was foreclosed. 

President Obama promised to bring both sides together and he has!  EVERYONE’S mad!

You Can’t Beat These Eggs! 

The Journal Fertility reports that an unnamed woman has given birth to a baby boy from a donated embryo that had been frozen since 1990.  That’s a record 20 years on ice!  Somewhere, the baby has a sibling who was conceived at the same time but is 20 years older. 

Two words:  Jerry Springer!

The baby has ten fingers, ten toes… and just a touch of freezer burn on his nose.

I hope this kid likes hand-me-downs!

I’ll Have the “Fillet ‘O Friend” 

Robert Matsuura and Peter Lee were teammates in a college fishing championship Saturday in California when Lee attempted to cast and ended up embedding a lure in the back of Matsuura’s skull.  The lure had five hooks in all, two of which were stuck deep in Matsurra’s skin.  They were about to head to the ER when another fisherman suggested they cut the line and continue.  So Matsurra took some Tylenol for the pain and kept fishing for 10 more hours.  Their catch came in first by two ounces, and they won the $50 thousand first prize.

Tylenol is amazing!  Especially when you wash it down with a couple six-packs.

The two plan to spend the prize money on hooke… ah, helmets.   

I thought it was a really nice gesture that when the hooks were finally removed, Lee threw Matsuura back in the water.

Not Even A Bridal Shower?  

A court in Egypt has granted a woman a divorce because her husband refused to bathe, claiming he was allergic to water.  A doctor confirmed his allergy but said that shouldn’t prevent him from other methods of maintaining hygiene. 

On the bright side, they did save a lot of money on their water bill.

Even the family camel refused to hang out with this guy.

Some Dogs are Really “Down”, Boy.   

If your dog destroys your furniture while you’re away, he might be a pessimist!  Dogs were tested by setting down food dishes and found that some assumed they had food in them and happily ran to them, while others were doubtful and held back.  Then they observed the dogs when they were left alone.  The dogs that were optimistic about food being in the dishes were fine, assuming their masters would return soon.  But the pessimist dogs that assumed the dish was empty, seemed worried and upset to be alone and were more likely to chew up the furniture. 

My former dog, Mr. Muckle, was a half-optomist/half-pessimist dog.  He didn’t eat the furniture, he just peed on it. 

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall…

Joan Collins complained to Hello magazine that there are no beautiful actresses anymore, and the public is “starved” for gorgeous people.  She said stars like Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly always looked glamorous, but today’s actresses think that being well groomed detracts from them being taken seriously.  The former “Dynasty” star added that today “there’s Angelina Jolie and there’s… Angelina Jolie”. 

Now I get it!  The cast of “Jersey Shore” look disgusting because they want to be taken seriously! 

They say “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, and when it comes to Angelina Jolie, most guys would definitely like to “hold her”.

*** Any suggestions for current actresses you think are beautiful?  Just hit the comment button above or click on the Facebook icon and post your nomination there!

Today’s Almanac

On this day in 1974, legendary TV host Ed Sullivan died. 

And, of course, Ed was buried in a really big shoe!

Unfortunately his casket was dropped during the funeral.  They never should have hired those Chinese Plate Spinners as pallbearers.  


Have a great day!  Back tomorrow!

- Dick