Bernie Sanders has passed Joe Biden as the betting favorite to win the democratic nomination with Bernie at 38% to Biden’s 34%.

- Meanwhile Elizabeth Warren is so desperate for votes she’s driving from town to town campaigning in her Jeep Cherokee.

*****

Apple posted its highest fourth quarter earnings ever thanks to strong iPhone sales.

- Stock holders will get a bonus check… and Kindergartners in China will get an extra juice box.

*****

NASA unveiled its first ever, “Space Home,” where Americans will have a massive window to view the earth while they’re in space. 

- NASA saved BIG by buying from Wallside Windows during the “Buy One Double Hung Window, Get One Double Hung Window FREE” Sale.

- And they got the Space Seats during the “12 Hour EVERYTHING MUST GO Sale” at Art Van. 

*****

Beauty Experts say that Kim Kardashian’s use of False Eyelashes is single handedly “Killing the Mascara industry”.

- On the bright side, sales of Gigantic Panties are on the rise. 

*****

The University of Missouri has started using an app to track students’ locations and make sure they attend class. 

- In the old days, this kind of “App” was known as “Mom and Dad”.

*****

Hillary Clinton told a crowd at the Sundance Film Festival that she feels the urge to run in 2020 and that she will WIN. 

 - If this was anyone other than Hillary, the family would have staged some sort of INTERVENTION by now. 

*****

Presidential Hopeful Michael Bloomberg is being mocked for greeting a dog by shaking its snout in a video that shows him to be visibly unfamiliar with dogs. 

- In his defense… Bloomberg is worth $60 BILLION so he’s used to paying someone ELSE to say “hello” to dogs for him.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick